Love Unconditionally: Embracing The Immutable

April 6, 2024

Love Unconditionally

How to Embrace the Immutable:

The treasure you truly seek is inside the cave you fear to enter.

- Joseph Campbell

Dear Man,

First and foremost, I want to express my gratitude for entrusting me with your time to delve into this first newsletter of mine.

I’m now at the point of my journey where I want to contribute to the collective growth with my knowledge and experience.

This is just the beginning; I have numerous insights in store to assist aspiring and mindful men in embodying unconditional love and embracement.

”It’s your ability to love unconditionally that makes you overcome any difficulties in life.“

- The Book of Loving Man

”The level of the problem is NEVER an issue, but the issue is ALWAYS the level of your own character.“

- @ConsciouSenne

Until two years ago I found myself trapped in a web of inner instability and emotional dependence, yearning for a future where my partner's emotional volatility and challenging moods would miraculously disappear.

The allure of the feminine lies in its depth and richness. But for me, its fluidity and unpredictability allegedly became a source of confusion and turmoil.

Unable to find inner stability and independence, I was looking for validation and reassurance from the external world, particularly from my partner. However, when faced with her ever-shifting moods and emotions, I felt overwhelmed by insecurity, disoriented and ill-equipped to navigate the waters of her psyche.

I was feeling powerless, unsure of how to act or support my partner effectively.

When she was stressed, I couldn't provide the calming presence, my inner stability and peace, she needed. Instead, I found myself falling into negative assumptions and self-deceptions, seemingly triggered by her emotions and actions. These negative feelings influenced my behaviour towards her, exacerbating the downward spiral of our relationship.

I was blind to my self-deceptions. I was putting my relationship on a downward spiral because I choose to withdraw my love and emotionally isolate from my partner, whenever she did something that I wasn’t capable to emotionally handle.

I wasn’t giving my love unconditionally to her.

My mind was fooling me. I saw reality through a lens that made me suffer.

I didn’t realise that love is the compass pointing us towards our true north amidst all the chaos. I was either not unconditionally using or sabotaging my compass.

I desperately hoped, we could finally find the peace, harmony and security I craved.

I struggled to detach my thinking and actions from my emotional dependency on her emotions. This was hindering my ability to love and accept her unconditionally.

In my futile attempts to cope and restore harmony, I either passively allowed the situation to unfold over me, confronted my partner, or tried to forcefully change her behaviour.

However, these actions only resulted in increased frustration, tension and deepened the divide between us. I hoped, my partner would change, putting an end to our discontent. Yet, the fallacy in my beliefs lied in the assumption that circumstances would fundamentally transform someday.

– a notion that would turn out nothing more than wishful thinking…

I realised, bending my partner to my will and comfort, just because I don’t have inner stability and emotional independence, is the gateway to frustration.

Changing your Paradigm, Embracing Reality:

”It’s not things that upset us, it’s our judgment about things“

- Epictetus

Acknowledging the intricacies of the feminine essence, I endeavored to appreciate and embrace its depth and richness. I recognised that it is precisely this complexity that makes the feminine unique and deserving of love and embrace. I sought to strike a balance between emotional appreciation and rational understanding.

Through work on myself, I now live in a new relationship that is so full of endless harmony and affection. We see problems as challenges that together lead us to higher levels of consciousness and teach us about each other and thus help us understanding each other better. Our challenges strengthen us and bring us even closer together, letting our love grow.

To reach all of this, I needed to change my paradigm in order to gain new perspective.

I recognised that change is an illusion; life will continue as it always has.

Understand;

Reality is inherently perfect.

It’s only you who is creating imperfection.

”We suffer more in imagination than in reality“

- Seneca

Every problem you perceive is self-generated, rooted in your perspective.

When you view reality through a perspective that looks for the cause of problems in external reality, you render yourself a victim of your circumstances.

… That’s exactly what I did.

Your energy will always follow your focus.

You are a self-fulfilling prophecy; you are either on an upward spiral or downward spiral. Your challenges and suffering, seemingly external, stem from beliefs and paradigms within you, making them not external but internal challenges.

When you feel something should be different, remember that reality is inherently perfect.

Ask yourself;

• What am I overlooking?

• Where must I evolve to cease perceiving a problem?

• How do I distort the existing perfection into imperfection in my mind?

• Which ability of mine does this situation challenge?

… Perhaps the flaw lies in my perspective towards this situation or person.

You are responsible for everything in your life. And if not, you are responsible for how you deal with it.

Your relationship is conditional to the following framework:

• take it, accept and embrace it

• change yourself

• or leave it

True love is inherently independent and unconditional.

Your relationship is conditional.

The limits of your relationship are where your partner knowingly and intentionally puts the relationship with you at risk and threatens it. That is the point where you should choose to leave. But even there your love has to stay unconditionally.

Unless you are in this situation, leaving would say a thousand words about your capacity to love, accept and embrace. It’s impossible to forcefully change another human for good. And it’s a mistake to wait for your partner to transform.

But you have an option: changing yourself and embracing reality

You can change the way you perceive things. Change yourself and your partner will most likely follow your way.

Embrace her wholeheartedly.

Embrace all the little quirks and things that annoy you. Love those aspects intentionally and unconditionally. Accept that there are more aspects to a person than just the pretty, beautiful and sweet ones. If you want your partner in your life for all her wonderful and lovely characteristics, then also accept and embrace all the ones that present challenges.

Take responsibility.

It's all about perspective.

Everything you perceive, experience and what is happening to you, serves as a test and challenge for your ability and capacity to deal with the adversities of life. And the same applies to your relationship. Every challenge, every conflict, every disagreement or discord challenges you, regardless of reality and your own emotions, to reach your full potential and to live and love unconditionally.

Your quality of life is determined by how you manage your inner reality—the software of your mind.

Your path to success in every domain of your life is determined by how much you are able to self-regulate yourself. How much you can self-regulate yourself determines your ability to live your highest potential and to give your love unconditionally and independently.

External circumstances act as guides, aiding your journey to higher levels of consciousness. Adversity often serves as a catalyst for uncovering your greatest strengths and gifts.

• How am I viewing and perceiving this present moment?

• Am I challenging myself in embracing the present moment?

• Do I explore all its possibilities?

• Am I grappling with its complexities?

• Am I unconditionally offering my unique gifts to my partner and the world?

It is your duty to be a rock in the surf for your partner, a reliable pole of calm, harmony and peace, emotionally independent. You should not be disturbed by anything, external or internal, infinitely giving unconditional love.

A future where everything is different and better will never materialise if you don't fully embrace the present reality and consistently strive to constantly embody the energy of the highest version of yourself.

Ask yourself;

• What is the highest version of myself?

• What am I really capable of?

• Which values and principles do I want to stand for?

Your highest self, your greatest potential, is not a goal, it is a continuous process. The path is the destination. It is about constantly striving and constantly asking yourself;

How can I act out of inner abundance in this moment?

”Welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace“

- Epictetus

Therefore, love your partner and the world today. Give her and the world today the most valuable thing you can give them, despite all chaos and adversity.

… Then you are going to succeed.

Unconditional Love is the absolute Truth: 

Every wasted moment, in which you don’t realise your greatest potential, clouds the clarity of your meaning in life.

Society has trained you to be judgemental and to pick and choose and to only like one percent of the whole spectrum of reality.

This is not a holistic way of perceiving things.

One of the meanings of life is to constantly increase your capacity to love. To truly love means to embrace the full spectrum of experiences. Not just the good experiences, the sweet and pleasant ones, but everything.

This is the most important skill to navigate life and its chaos.

This is a holistic life.

Truth is holistic.

Reality is the full spectrum of experiences.

Therefore embracing reality and all experiences with love is the ultimate truth.

Whatever it takes you to surrender in order to see the beauty in the things beyond your control and the most challenging and hardest aspects of reality, that’s your work that you have to do, that’s your purpose in life.

That requires surrendering your ego, as it tends to cherry-pick and corrupt everything it encounters. Think beyond your feelings and emotions in order to make lasting change.

If we try to get to the truth, if we really try to understand reality at a big picture level… that means that we have to content with the biggest obstacle, which is self-deception. Because self-deception leads to delusion and falsehood.

Constantly raise your capacity to love unconditionally—to love everything and everyone despite adversities.

True love transcends dependence on others and their behaviour and emotions. But true love also transcends your own ego-driven emotions. It's about giving without expecting anything in return.

Love is your own fight against the darkness within yourself, in the form of giving light to others and to yourself.

Transitioning from resistance to acceptance lies at the heart of embracing reality and life's chaos. This shift in perspective applies to various aspects of our lives, including pursuing passions, nurturing relationships, or simply finding moments of tranquility. It's a reminder not to delay happiness in anticipation of an uncertain future. The fairy tale of "someday" only serves to delay the fulfilment that awaits you in the here and now.

When faced with frustration or dissatisfaction in your relationship, choose love and embrace over resistance. Rather than attempting to change your partner, express your affection and appreciation for who she is as a whole.

Embrace the emotional waves of the feminine ocean with affection and compassion, knowing that true love transcends all imperfections.

Genuine transformation comes from acceptance rather than coercion. Instead of compulsively and futilely trying to control external circumstances, we learn to surrender to the flow of life and trust in its inherent wisdom and our unconditional love.

This doesn't mean passively resigning ourselves to fate, but rather cultivating a sense of inner trust and resilience that allows us to navigate life's challenges with greater ease. By cultivating a mindset of unconditional love, abundance and acceptance we unlock the true beauty and meaning of existence, fulfilling our highest potential and contributing to the collective evolution of consciousness.

— The Book of Loving Man —